button-down (T-shirt)

your shirt’s on the hanger
it still won’t speak to me
let alone look right on me
i tried explaining that getting it to you
wouldn’t be as simple as it believed
and despite the fact that I agreed -
it would look so much better on you
[gently] an old shirt of mine
might not be the gift you wanted -
(even if seeing you in it
is exactly what I did)
it’s still grieving and
won’t have anything
to do with me
so there’s a lonely
dark blue button-down
with a slightly frayed collar
soft cotton body and sleeves
- a humble gown -
on a hanger waiting patiently
for you
should you ever want or need it

smile

i prefer your mouth

that beautiful complicated

confounding mouth

it’s a nice shade of lipstick though

[the red, not the pink] truth be told

i’ve always been partial to red

and i hope you’ll be wearing a similar shade

and we’ll go wherever you suggest

and do whatever you’d like –

as long as you smile

you know what a soft touch I am

for your smile

4200 miles

I don’t trust myself to say

the right thing on

any given day.

So I’ll trust you to understand

when I say:

at any time and in any way

just let me know

as long as you’re there

and it’s the right time

the right place

save a bit of space -

Until that time  -

whatever hand touches you

lips kiss you

words awaken you

know that

i wish that they were mine.

given

there are moments

when a woman needs to be kissed

hard

purposefully

passionately

intentionally and with no room for doubt

that all mountains will be scaled

all valleys explored

all terrain to be covered

there will be bruising and scratches

cuts and marks

there will be kissing

and squeezing

in tight quarters

and beautiful corners

there will be hard edges

and soft nudges

burns and abrasions

lips bitten

and kisses given

many kisses will be given

i will be hard
you will be wet

and

many kisses will be given

beauty is you

ladies if you will

please

ignore the constant swill

being peddled and pushed

the unfettered bullshit

that beauty is

or has any relation to

the botox collagen injected

ignorant air-brushed notion

big prosthetic tits

anorexic empty-headed

marketed packaged

focus group tested

unattainable unless-you-buy-this

poisonous Madison Avenue invective

genuine beauty is

a body of freckles

uninhibited and

unabashed intelligence

a high IQ in

thigh-highs

the lovely pooch

of your tummy

for passionate kisses

and silly smooches

a warm smile

infectious laugh and sense of humor

in slinky lingerie

whatever the size brand or style

sexy is trusting and caring enough

to share your ‘flaws and scars’

gorgeous is giving

and daring

to be loved exactly for who you are

beauty is you

see yourself for who you really are

rather than what they tell you

‘you should be…’

and you’ll see it too

sheer

it’s 4 am and i can’t keep
the pendulum from swinging
it’s in the shadows
and negative space
where i can see you
but this thing is new to me
waking up and just
being happy to be
- whatever happens
thank you for the
dreaming of you
that elusive
moment of peace -
the day is coming
with its unforgiving light
but stay a bit longer
in my new quiet night
the phantom of you
the silhouette of us two
the traces of a kiss
i didn’t know
i’d been waiting
willing wanting
years to give
so should you feel
a shiver as you sleep
it’s just my hand here
finding its place
on your shimmering waist
and me trying not to quiver
as i gently kiss
so as not to wake
a gorgeous shadow
resting in my blinding night
in perfectly sheer silk
and dusky lace

plainly

As plainly & honestly as I can:

All I can say is -

You’re beautiful

You’re amazing

You’re as light as you are dark

You anchor

as much as you move

You scare me more than you realize

But not for the reasons you think

If there’s a way tell me

And I’ll do it

If there’s a place show me

And I’ll go there

If there are words share them –

Because all I have is yours

Because all I want is you.

loose dirt

why is it when i need them most

when i want them most

that’s when the words desert me?

they seem to be buried just under

the barely stifled scream of frustration

and scratching and clawing

at the loose dirt

only sends them deeper

i want you to know

what i know

what i feel

i need you to know

things i don’t even like

admitting to myself

the ghosts and scars

wounds and shame

regrets and mistakes

if you see all of that

and don’t run…

i’ll know.

untitled

i wish i had a story to tell

something to turn over

and over

in one’s head

in one’s hand

on those bastard lonely

cruel nights

when one can’t help but be

honest about who he is

something to hold

all i have is the knowledge

that i loved one once

truly -

that the letting go

was the best, most pure gift

i ever gave

give

to her

all i have is the fear

that when i find another

star shining on a hill

it will be best to

remain hidden

lest her light shine on me

casting a shadow

on one who is worthy

beautiful

there’ll be parties

and i hope you don’t mind

me imagining you

in  a long black skirt

with a not-long-enough slit

[the top

i’ll leave up to you]

and you’ll be beautiful

your dark hair up

and your brown eyes

those big brown eyes

smiling i hope

and you’ll be beautiful

and i hope you don’t mind

me imagining you

standing still for a moment

so i can stare for a moment

[he’ll have you for the rest of the

evening]

i’d like one moment

for myself

however

when i can just gaze

and you’ll be beautiful

and you’ll be beautiful

and you are beautiful.

You are beautiful.

Cry

Shout at the mountains

Scream as the sea

Bellow at the heavens

Cry at the storm

Yell at the edge of hell

It does no good

No matter what I do

Despite all my pleas

The passage of years

Appeals for mercy

A reign of vicious tears

I’m still without you

ice cream

there’s a certain flavor of ice cream

that can be quite hard to find

but if you do

it’s always worth the time

 it should be enjoyed slowly

deliberately

it’s sweet and a bit messy

but the tongue will not find

a smoother richer time

whatever dessert you try


the flavor is difficult to describe

but put simply

it’s enjoyment is a

soft slick sensuous ride

it comes in the prettiest wrapper

just slip your fingers

under the bands at the sides

and ever-so gently slide

part the lips and lick

slowly deliberately

playfully

and linger

lovingly

letting your tongue

and sensation

hold sway

and if no one’s looking after

it’s quite alright and understandable

to lick one’s fingers

as one shouldn’t let

a single precious drop

go to waste

too long

i probably should apologize

it’s impolite to stare

but it’s been too long

since i’ve seen so much

in a woman’s eyes

too long since i’ve heard

so much in her words

it’s just the rush of

a wonderful crush

of feelings

delightful reeling

in things I didn’t know

were still real

emotions
i could still feel

beautiful circles

there’s a beautiful song

that wasn’t our song

but when I hear it I see you

it’s as close as I get to

touching you these days

pictures of you

as a little girl

that sat on your grandmother’s piano

your wedding portrait

where I knew you could look

as beautiful

but didn’t think

I just didn’t think

there’s a part during

the song when the electric guitar

comes in

and it feels like spinning

and I see you spinning

as a little girl in an Easter dress

as a woman in a wedding gown

that despite not being me

I hope you were spinning that day

and still spin

eyes closed

arms stretched out

in beautiful circles

always in beautiful circles.

rain

the soft percussion of rain

and the popping accents

of a dying fire

it’s an exercise in

exquisite pain

being here without you

it’s probably best

that you don’t know

and I don’t show

how empty every place

is

 - how I miss you